Stripped

Her name is Kim and she lives in Ohio. Attached for about twenty years to her honey, she works in the medical field and is the mommy of two. She uses Noxema and at least once has used it to punk her honey. She’s a rock-n-roller. She learned to drive the hard way, and we’re not just talking about 3-on-the-column, mind you. Of course, no matter what she’s doing, in the end it is all for them.

I have read your blog for almost as long as I’ve had a blog, and I’ve enjoyed seeing things through your eyes. You make me laugh, cause interesting images to flash across my mind, and move me. Of course, I was happy to see you sign up for the hot seat, so whatcha say?

1. A month ago, I read this and wanted to come see you take the field. Then, I read this and this and am wondering: How’s softball? I suppose I should check the weather records for Ohio and see if it is experiencing an unusual amount of rain this year. Besides your current exploits on the ballfield, what physical activities (get outta that gutter, you), if any, did you enjoy the most before kids, career, etc.? Which one(s) did you participate in the most?

2. I could post a number of links that reflect the depth of your motherhood, but one statement says it all: "A long time ago Jamie use to say to me ‘You’re such a mom’ and I’d take offense to it. Like ‘How dare you say that to me!’ Looking back? That’s probably the best compliment I’ve ever received." I read that here, where you also acknowledge "Had it not been for them I never would have known the greatest love of all."

I have a client, Sue, who took great pride among her circle of friends in the fact that she and her daughter were "best friends." Of course, her fifteen year old daughter smokes the same brand of cigs, has the same taste in boys, and the same sense of style as her mom. Because of pertinent legal issues and all, I am having to counsel mom on some finer points of parenting, and I am no expert. However, I firmly believe that a parents job is to be a parent. It is a tough job, but if you are even moderately successful, you have a better chance at being friends with your children when it really matters: when they are adults.

What is your stongest asset when it comes to parenting? Your weakest? We all, in some ways either large or small, become our parents. What is the best thing you took from them? The worst?

3. Almost every woman I have ever known has had some issue with their body weight. In fact, I would say every woman, but I am not 100% sure about that. You took control of the situation and had a gastric bypass. First of all, I am not sure what you looked like before, although I must say you rock the 80’s prom dresses…. I do know that you are quite the babe now. I learned a lot from your posts. For instance, I had no idea that you cannot eat and drink at the same time. Wow.

Congratulations on your progress and maintenance. I, for one, am impressed with that, and even more impressed by your attitude through it all. Oh, and I wanna see the scar! Anyway… at one point you wrote, "Do you think we have the right to tell those we love that they’ve gained weight? I mean, when a husband and wife get married it’s ‘For better or worse, in sickness and in health..blah blah blah…’ Isn’t that part of for better or worse? Or are they expected to stay the same as the day they walked down the aisle?"

Good questions. Tough questions. Questions that are on that list with "religion" and "politics." As for me, I detest the way some people (seems to be mostly men) treat their significant others when it comes to weight. A friend of mine is overheard frequently saying things to his wife that are so demeaning that I cringe. I try to think of how to talk to him about it, but each time I try to approach the issue, he shuts it down. Maybe calling him a "friend" is going a little too far… The truth is, I have been there. No, I have never spoken those types of things, but I have thought them. "Honey, dessert is not a good idea. Please. My goodness, stop." I have thought it, so am I any better? I don’t expect 115 lbs forever. If the "ideal weight" is 115, I’m wanting anywhere between 110 and 140. That’s just me, and I definitely think one should know what one wants. The non-physical attributes are far more important to me, but I know what I am physically attracted to and that matters a lot to me. Back to the question. I am quite certain that the gainer knows the deal and does not need to be reminded that they’ve gained. I also am certain that commenting negatively leads to not-so-positive results. Perhaps a "Hey, let’s take up tennis" or a "Let’s take a walk around the block" or even a "I know I said I was in the mood for a good cheeseburger, honey, but how about something healthier - you know I need to watch the cholesterol" would bring better results. To me, it seems that sidestepping the issue and making healthier suggestions that both parties can participate in is better than targeting the one who has gained weight.

Assuming that your significant other does want to say something about the weight issue, what is the best way for him to handle it? Lots of guys want to know.

4. I liked this post, in which you write, "…I’ll say the best way to avoid such situations is by simply communicating. Works both ways-men if ya want something you need to ask for it and women, we use our voices for many things-taking care of one’s emotional well being should be one of them." All too often it seems, people wait… and wait… and wait, almost as if (and let’s be honest here, this is not almost as if, it’s what’s truly going on) they are testing the other to see if they will get it, do it, say it, whatever. Then, frustration and anger, bitterness and resentment set in. Hey, c.o.m.m.u.n.i.c.a.t.e. It stops most trouble dead in its tracks. However, how does this affect the issues in Number 3, above? Is it really ok to communicate everything you want?

5. Here I learned that you lack a great short-term memory. Good thing you’re documenting everything for posterity, and for us. After all, I enjoy stories, especially digging through, pulling out, and analyzing the greater meanings hidden in the minutiae of life. I liked your statement, "If it wasn’t for the street lights coming on and my dogs itching to get moving I could have sat there on the park bench with that old timer and listened to stories of days gone by. They have the best stories. I just wish more people would stop and listen."

I enjoy "listening" to you. Maybe it’s because twenty-three of the 100 things about you could be on my list. Maybe I am aiming to be number 90, part 2. (kidding) I do enjoy your blog, and thanks for being interviewed. The last question(s): You can only tell your children one more story, what is it? Same for your honey. And, what "story," of all you’ve been told, has meant the most to you?

Interview Rules:

Offer to interview others, if you want!

Kate Michele is next.

After much thought, I have decided to resurrect the interview segment that I enjoyed so much. That is, if there are any takers. If you are unsure what I mean, check the sidebar and review some of the past interviews. If you are interested in being interviewed, let me know. I would like Friday to be the interview day and would ask that the subject post his or her responses by the following Thursday.

So we’ll see how it goes!  Meanwhile, have a great weekend.

I can hear some of you now. "Well, I declare! He finally posted the Wendy interview." I can assume things like that because Wendy now resides in the Carolinas, and I finally am posting my feeble attempt to climb inside her lovely, beautiful head.

Wendy possesses much more than beauty, though. For her, music is the second hand on every clock. Her family always retains its number one spot on her priority list, but she sometimes yearns to be the starving artist, the burned-out-never-faded-away bohemian spirit who passes through and changes the world and explodes or drowns in the gutter. Either way. I never knew my mother had twins.

Wendy writes superbly and shares bits and pieces of her life that leave me wanting to share a bottle or three of wine as we regale one another with our record collections, memories, and idosyncratic opinions and convictions. With that, I ask…

This post is a mirror for me. I read it and felt as if I had written it. I knew what was coming next. "I could so easily have gone the other way. I could easily be a strung-out artist living hand-to-mouth in an anonymous city, moving from great-big-thing to great-big-thing, with lovers and jewels collected along the way, none of them precious but all of them mine; responsible for no one and answering only to my self and my ever-present conscience. But there was something preventing that from happening. I am still not sure what…family? guilt? a feeling of owing more to myself? something propelled me past that exit on the highway. But I feel the pull sharply …it reminds me how perilous the trip always is, how the journey could be altered at the slightest notice and how I could find myself, lost without a map, but not altogether surprised at the detour."

In fact, many of your posts reflect your dichotomy. Here you write, "I have an artistic temperament in a suburban housewife’s life." My dichotomy is similar to yours, similar enough, in fact, to make me want to say "exactly." Logic dictates my word choice, however. Nevertheless, I feel as though I understand this part of you well. However, understanding the feelings is not the same as "figuring out the answers." So….

I have written about and pondered ad nauseum the concept of one’s "purpose." I find that the "pull" I feel, seemingly similar to you, causes me to dig deeper for things unfulfilled - things that should be fulfilled. I chase my tail, so to speak. Unlike you, I stand on a precipice, each passing day bringing more courage, contemplating stepping out into that scary void. My family, most of them anyway, are encouraging and even, to a surprising degree, about ready to push me.

1. To what degree is your family (particularly your spouse) aware of this dichotomy? Have you considered if there is a way (or a better way, perhaps) to blend the separate visions so that you can pursue the artistic wanderlust to some degree and still maintain your familial position?

Your taste in music thrills me. While I do not presume to know the breadth of your tastes, I do know that the songs and artists you mention on your site are among my favorites. Those who are familiar with my site must know that Dylan is at the top of the list. In this post, you write about when you "began to understand that there were two kinds of people in [your] life: people who were stunningly moved by music and people who weren’t." I mention that simply because it is a topic of many conversations I have had with various people over the years. I still am amazed that music means so little to some, while for me, it is a sixth sense. A song can take me to a particular place or time more readily than a specific scent can.

In that same post, you quote from Good Will Hunting: "My wife’s been dead two years, Will. And when I think about her, those are the things I think about most. Little idiosyncrasies that only I knew about. Those made her my wife. And she had the goods on me too. Little things I do out of habit. People call these things imperfections Will. It’s just who we are. And we get to choose who we’re going to let into out weird little worlds."

2. What is the biggest obstacle you must overcome in order to let someone in? What is your biggest fear in doing so? Have you ever let someone "all the way" in? What sacrifice did that take? Would you do it again? Do you wish that you had done it sooner?

Here and here you write about finding that "person who will show us the patience and love to let us figure out; that we are safe, that we are loved and that we can move forward," and you say "I had to grow up and fill in the gaps and be real and whole BY MYSELF and then, and maybe only then, would someone come along and complement my angles and edges. There are a lot of things about getting older that suck, but hindsight and wisdom aren’t among them." Such wise posts. We disservice our children when we fail to assist them in these lessons. Yes, these lessons will be learned the hard way most of the time. Still, we lay the foundation, lest we forget.

True love, in my opinion, is a relationship that not only allows the other person to grow and become wholly and purely who they are meant to be, but it encourages, supports and assists that journey. Marriage is that times two.

3. What advice would you give to your children on how to determine if they have found "the one"? What was your greatest obstacle in your journey of love? What is the single greatest thing you need in a relationship? What is the single greatest thing you can give in a relationship?

Finally, in this post, I read more about the dichotomy - the "artistic temperament in the suburban housewife’s life." Consider that I am "talented, insane, too-bright-to-last" (I still dream), and that I have chosen to pursue those crazy-mad desires that hound me while I sleep and flog me while I am awake. I need something but am not sure what. I search, and find contentment in the search. Perhaps I am too scared that the search will end, of what is finally revealed. It is a dangerous road, as you know. I reach out to you.

4. What do you offer me?

Thanks Wendy. I truly enjoy your blog.

Madison Drake is next.

If you want to be interviewed, let me know.

Learn’s words resonated with me immediately. We’ve never met, barely spoken. Yet, she seemed to know me. When I first started reading her words, I read with wonder at the captured life of another. I gravitated toward the analysis, the story of one who was enraptured by the physical needs and desires, captured, if you will. I have been there. It is a most welcome enslavement. In fact, it feels not at all like ensalvement… until the emotional wants, needs, desires reveal what is lacking. I have questions I will not ask, for they are personal and would be for personal reasons. Ah, but there are questions I will ask, and that is why we are here.

Learn writes about sex. Her posts are overflowing with wonderful meetings, escapades, sensual delights, and dirty fucking. You read of one who enjoys all she knows and yearns to know more about the possibilities that exist when two come together. Such an awakening seems to have begun in earnest when she met T. You can read here a little of the story of meeting and getting to know T. Granted, many other posts detail their coming together, but this post is where you learn of their digital relationship. For two years, they were primarily email partners, maybe email lovers.

1. Learn, if you had to pick only one thing that pulled you toward T before you ever really knew him, what would it be?

One of the things you mentioned was that you wanted someone who would always bring a smile to your face. Of course, you also mention that you still are not quite sure what you want. I have a feeling that your experience with T has revealed much to you about what it is you want and need in a relationship and, just as important, what it is you can give. Oh, so many questions here….

2. Can you be deeply happy within yourself, with only yourself?

3. Where are you now in regards to knowing what you want? what you need? Can the two become the same?

I read here about your medical trials and worries. The initial diagnosis was ASCUS. A very common result of a pap smear, ASCUS presents, in almost 90% of cases, as a benign condition.

4. To the extent you care to share, how are you now?

Here and here you mention medication. In one instance, you mention Ritalin and in another, general antidepressants. For me, "focus" was my self-diagnosed problem. I considered medication, thinking that perhaps I would be able to find greater satisfaction in where I was. Basically, I like to be busy. I like meeting new people. I like the excitement of change. I thought medication may "settle me down." In fact, we seem to be similar in that regard, or at least in our thinking. So far, though, I have not tried it.

5. Did you ever give medications a serious try? If so, did they help?

In this post, you mention that T said that in order to survive you must sometimes lie to your heart. I have found that my heart is what causes the most trouble. When my head knows what is right, what is effective, what the real deal is… my heart tries to get in the way. In fact, I find that we often need to "lie to our heart," but it is not really a lie. I believe we have to keep from falling for the lies our hearts can tell. The heart is blind to truth many times.

6. What is your head saying these days? What is your heart saying? What controls you most of the time?

You walked through tough days and nights missing T. He had become a habit. I had one of those… not sure I should even speak that in the past tense. In many ways, a relationship like that is no different than a drug, and it is a hard habit to break. Even when you can see the negative effects it has on other important aspects of your life, you continue using. It’s crazy. It is made no easier when the other person expresses certain desires… says he misses you, wants you. T did this and maybe still does. You seem to be finding strength, though. Here you say, "I don’t want you to be left lonely one day, and the sad part is I don’t mean that I want you to be with me."

7. Is there something else, or someone else, in your life that has supplanted T - some goal or dream or whatever that makes it easier, or at least necessary to walk away?

I read about X, your first love. I read about how unequal to T you felt. When I read your words, see your photos, get a glimpse into how your mind works… I feel kinship. Plain and simple.

8. Where is X these days? Can you ever become your own first love? Do you desire or need an unequal relationship? Why did you allow me to interview you?

So, eleven questions….

Ok. Thanks, Learn, for agreeing to be interviewed. Let us know when you’ve answered!

Wendy is next.

If you are interested, let me know. The interviews will vary in length, but I will try to ask 5-8 questions. I will research your site and link accordingly. I may be nice, maybe not. I may pry. I may ask stupid questions. I may ask hard questions. I do not intend to offend, but I am not afraid of offending. If you want to be interviewed but desire for something(s) to be "off limits," let me know. I will try to post one interview each week. You should post your answers on your site. Visit here to see past interviews and the posted answers.

Have a great weekend everyone! Strip, it’s fun

When I first started this blog, I occasionally posted photos appealing to HNT sensibilities. However, I did not realize that there were "rules." LilBit broke the news. As a result, I removed the photos from the site and started anew. For the next couple of months, I played by the rules. Better yet, I got to know LilBit a little better.

Many folks know her as one of the most creative and daring when it comes to holiday HNT posts. Anyone who has seen her Valentine HNT or her Saint Patrick’s Day HNT can attest to that. She is creative, funny, outgoing, flirtatious. She also has a life that includes her bike, her hubby, her work, her friends, and her men. She is analytical and reflective, but she also is spontaneous and adventurous. Oh, and lest I forget, she appears to have a really fine body that just happens to possess, at various times, the perfect dish for banana splits and that oh-so-elusive pot-o-gold. So, LilBit, it’s your turn, and I apologize for taking so long.

1. I read here about the wedding you attended and the vows spoken - vows that were written by the bride and groom. The groom’s vow included "I will never try to change you, but will nurture the person I know today & the person you will become in the future — always giving you the room you need to be the person you are individually and the couple we are together." You responded: "Hmphf & just damn… Wish that had been in our vows."

In awe of the depth and enormity of that promise, I sat and read it several times. Floored. Wow. The cynic in me is well-practiced and receives a surplus of ammunition each day from which to continue perfecting its attack. So, the cynic says that it is easy to make promises like this when we are feeling the way we do today. The problem is that the promisor is likely to change, too. Will that person keep the covenant? And how much "change" will be tolerated?

The romantic in me is well-practiced, too, and it receives more of my attention. The romantic says that such a love, such a promise, is possible, if only we learn how to give the love we have and how to receive the love we need.

Between you and your husband, who would he say has changed the most since your marriage? Who is doing a better job at accepting the other?

2. I read here about you feeling as though you were in love with two men at the same time. I also read about K and your husband’s statement regarding an apparent "freedom" to do some things when he isn’t around, about your trustworthiness, and about the fact that email can be so easily misread because it fails to reveal a tone or intent that is present in vocal communications.

As for being in love with more than one person, I must concur that it can happen. From personal experience, I believe it is possible, and I believe that the art of keeping a covenant includes the willingness to perfect one’s ability to steer clear of situations where that becomes a possibility. Our egos and desires and unhappiness and so many other factors often win that battle, though. As a result, we not only fail to turn away from those temptations, we encourage them. We need them.

If K was worried about what H would think, and H knew that, then H seems justified in wondering what goes on outside his presence. This dovetails a little with the fact that people change over time. Perhaps a person understood that a certain level of openness existed and that person was cool with that. Over time, however, something like this happens and causes them to wonder if the understanding has changed. Does she want more freedom than she had? Have her needs, her desires, changed from what I thought they were? All this culminates in a weakening of the relationship’s foundation - trust. One begins to wonder what lies hidden in things unsaid, in gestures and faces that are unclear, and in things done that can’t be seen. Like email, it is so easy to misread the communication when the parties to it are in different places, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Assume that you are given a special power and opportunity. You know that for the next 24 hours you can speak totally honestly with H and undo it all if necessary. In order to use this power, though, you must speak the truth about you that he needs to know, that you need him to know, those things that would assist him in knowing what changes in both of you need to be dealt with. What do you tell him? (To the extent you desire to share, of course)

3. I read here that you were battling with certain personal feelings. "Who AM I? I really feel like I don’t know anymore. I used to know. I’ve always had a pretty keen sense of EXACTLY who I am and who I am NOT. Wellllll, maybe I’m being melodramatic & lying. I still know who I am, maybe I just don’t know how to be whoever it is some people WANT me to be, now all of a sudden. A lot of who anyone is, is also who one is in relation to other people. And it now seems to me that hubby wants a different wife, of sorts… wants me to be somebody I’m not."

From talking to people, living my own life, reading blogs… wow. I think almost everyone has felt, is feeling or will feel this way. It is tough, too. We want to please people, especially certain people. We also want to be true to ourselves, and sometimes being true to ourselves seems to run contrary to what it would take to please the ones we want (need?) to please. The romantic says that true love creates in a person the desire to let go of things that are contrary to the love. Note that the romantic did not say that true love requires this. Rather, true love creates this. It just happens. Once it happens, the person does not feel that they have sacrificed, because they did what they wanted - out of true love. The cynic says that people should expect change and the love should grow with that, we deal with it and move on, or move out. Of course, the problem is that we rarely enter a relationship with a complete knowledge of who WE are, much less complete knowledge of the other.

This post of yours fits nicely with #2, of course. However, instead of following up in that way, I am curious about something a little different. Is the person he needs and wants you to be very different from who you want to be? If so, which do you desire more? Then, regardless of who "wants" what, which are you?

4. I read here about fantasies and your feeling a need to let go of them, or some of them. "I think I’ve touched on something else I may need to let go… and it’s not going to be an easy one. Fantasies. At least some of them. They’re just diversions from Reality, really…diversions from DEALING w/Reality. It’s not pretty. And, it’s not easy to admit that I tend to succumb to the easier out when it comes to the internal battle I wage against myself: Face Reality (unhappy, mundane, boring, lackluster) and find a way to manage it in real terms or skip off to ‘Fantasy Land’ (exciting, magical, perfect and sexy)?Now my dilemma is becoming clearer.I went beyond Fantasy Land to the Land of Make-Believe. I need to figure out how to recognize that while it’s happening. Better yet, even before - to thwart it before it begins."

I have an overly-active imagination. This leads to an abundance of fantasies and dreams if I am not careful. I have learned that I have the tendency to pursue these to the exclusion of wiser pursuits. Thankfully, I have learned to manage, to redirect my mind. I am usually successful, but not always. I am still just a guy. Excuses aside, though, I have found that I am most successful when I focus on my objectives for the day, for the meeting, for the party, and so on. Also, I try to be very aware of obstacles that exist in my head (some of these are those fantasies and dreams, of course). If the obstacles serve to keep me from achieving to my capacity (whether it be in my relationships, my job, etc.), then I redirect. Damn, it sucks at times!

You are creative, intelligent, pretty, active, and passionate. Picture what your ultimate desire is in regards to your vocation and your relationship(s). Are your fantasies and dreams representative of a way to get there or a diversion to something that serves a purpose in the moment? Do you know what fantasies and dreams mean the most to H?

5. I read here about your reasons for starting the blog. "I started this blog for purely selfish reasons.
I started this blog, thinking I may discover some insight into myself by taking a deep & honest introspective look, putting pen to paper & putting it out there… hoping it may help me figure out why I’ve been unhappy w/my place in life the past few years & why it’s gotten so much worse lately…"

Similar thoughts were included in my reasons, too. A cathartic exercise. A place to speak rather freely and get feedback from others. I have learned, am still learning, that knowing something means little if not applied. Words mean little when actions are nonexistent or contrary. Knowing what I need to do, what I should do, means little if I am not courageous, honest, or otherwise willing to do it. The comments by others, including you, are a window for me. I really enjoy reading about others’ experiences and hearing their take on mine.

Has your blog revealed to you any deeper insights about yourself? Ideally, how would you like your blog to be viewed by others? If you and I were to trade blogs for a week, what would you do and what would I learn?

~ Ok, LilBit! Thanks for letting me interview you! ~

You guys probably know the rules by now, but if you don’t, then you can find them here.

Lime agreed to be interviewed, and she is next. Hers is a very enjoyable blog, full of weird news (Wednesdays’ fare), wonderfully written posts on the history and local color of Trinidad (complete with some great photos), many answers to many tags and the like, and marvelous glimpses of the mind and heart of Lime.

My guess is that you have been in the House of Lime before. If you have taken the time to read her posts, the comments of those who have visited her site, or her own thoughtful comments on others’ sites, then you get the feeling that she is well-liked by most if not all. You also get a sense of why. She writes well, with an honest forthrightness that is refreshing. She is unapologetic in her revelations of who she is, what is important to her, and how grateful she is that you have visited. Oh, and she will cause laughter, too.

For me, Lime exists in that realm of commenters all bloggers desire to count as regular visitors. Her comments are thoughtful, inspiring, humorous, touching - substantive is as good a word as any. Rarely, if ever, is a Lime comment a simple pleasantry except for when that is the most appropriate response. At least, that is my opinion. So, Lime, I have some questions for you.

1. You acknowledge that you are a wife and mother. Your kids are marvelously accounted for in many ways at the House of Lime, but not Mr. Lime. Oh, sure, a few comments here and there suggest that he exists. However, very few stories reveal his role. Now, this may be for any one of many valid reasons - he may have requested such or other personal reasons may dictate such, for example. I could even try to peer deeper and reference this post, where you plead the fifth when asked if you are in love with someone. My question is less invasive, however.

How knowledgable is Mr. Lime about your blogging activities and is he supportive, indifferent, or unsupportive of the House of Lime project?

2. In this post, you tell the story of your first Thanksgiving in Trinidad and reveal that Thanksgiving as "the most special one" you have ever celebrated.

What could you do to make this year’s Thanksgiving the most special one for someone you care dearly about but are reluctant to work that hard on the relationship. (your children excluded, of course)

3. Several posts reveal you to be a person of faith. For instance, here you state that you are thankful for the freedom to worship; and here you "pray that whatever life brings, may we all be made sweeter."

What is the biggest obstacle that exists between you and your faith?

4. You love to read, and I admire you so much for your desire to spread the joy of reading through your support and work for Reading is Fundamental. You wrote about the first book that had a real impact on you and reveal that you are "drawn to biographies."

I am writing a biography of you. What are the greatest tragedy, the greatest joy, and the greatest lesson we will reveal in this sure-to-have-an-impact biography?

5. You speak of the Muse of Blogging. You and other regular readers (I sometimes guess at who is "regular") often serve as a veritable Muse Board for me. Today, however, the Board has dictated that you will be my muse. As you begin your work, you come to me with answers to the following:

What is something you wish your blog to have/inspire/be but it just isn’t there (yet?)? Is there something I can do to make your blogging experience even better? What do you like most and least about my blog?

Ok, Lime, thanks for your patience and for your willingness to take part.

The rules of the Interview Game are:

If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying, “interview me.”

I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s will be different.

You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.

You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others.

When others ask to be interviewed, you will ask them 5 questions.

Lil Bit, Rayna, and Learn are next up.

I interviewed Southern Sweetheart first, and you can read her response here.

Next, I interviewed Christina, and you can read her response here.

Next was keda, and you can find her response here.

Then, I interviewed Phain, and her response is here.

CowGirl’s responses should be up soon.

Lime’s interview will be up as soon as I can complete it.

Phain, the lovely princess of perseverance, says that I can ask her anything. While at times she may be a "scaredy cat," she amazes as well. She is a mother, a lover, a worker, a dreamer, a thinker. Begrudgingly at times, she is a wife, and she is patient. Many things bring her happiness: her children, cinnamon, piano music, passion, and salvation to name some of them. She can paint pictures with words. She can tease. She cares. Sometimes too much its seems. She is guilty, but she is preparing for the trial. She has many things to say. Her case is strong. Still, she worries. She shouldn’t, though. See if you agree.

I read here… one of the "good" things about you is that you are "cute" maybe even pretty. Among the "bad" things are your vanity, your desire for a tattoo, and your contemplating of a threesome. Finally, among the "dark" things are your hypocrisy, fear, silence, lust, uncertainty, lack of focus, and feelings of insignificance.

1. Many critics say that religion does nothing but make one feel guilty. I do not believe that guilt, in and of itself, is a bad thing. I also do not believe that the purpose of religion is to nurture guilt. I do see a wealth of guilt in your writing, though. I also see rays of glorious freedom and love and caring and salvation-pending. You are pretty, I am sure. Nothing vain about stating the obvious. Tattoos and sexual desires may be labeled however you wish. Hypocrisy, however, causes you to label things one way for others and another way for yourself. With so much turmoil, a lack of focus and a fair amount of uncertainty are understandable. When the person you share your life with lives as if you do not exist, then feelings of insignificance can be explained. Then we have fear, lust, silence….

You can turn onto a different road today. A better road. Yet, you are scared. Scared that others will only see a lustful act by a selfish woman, perhaps? If not this, then what is the single largest fear that keeps you silent?

I read here… "Fear is my biggest obstacle. Fear of the unknown - which covers just about every single aspect of my existence right now. Fear of what others will say and what I will say to others in explanation. Fear of what to tell the children, the girl will crumble, the boy won’t know what’s going on. Fear of the responsibility that will fall on my shoulders. Fear of breaking commitments that were supposed to be forever. Fear of bringing pain and anguish to those around me. Fear of being alone." … and I read here… "After dating for almost four years and living together for two, I asked him to marry me. He said yes. Damn. It wasn’t long after we married that our intimate life dried up….But I didn’t call on my faith when I married my husband, who is an agnostic. At the time I didn’t think it would matter, but in very short order, it became all the difference in the world. I am quite active in the church I attend, Husband says I do too much, I say I can never do enough. We disagree often over this. I have cut out a lot of the things I participate in, in an effort to make the peace at home. It hasn’t worked so far. I feel like a hypocrite quite a lot of the time. I am working on that."

2. So, you have lots of fears that may answer number one. However, perhaps you also feel responsible. Of course, you feel responsibility toward the children and all that entails, but you "started this," so to speak. Right? You asked him. Granted, you didn’t know that he would become the person he has become. You didn’t know that his aridness would sap the moist, lush and fruitful lifewater from you. Still… you feel responsible. You also feel responsible for your failure to apply your faith to your choice. Something so important to you, yet you let it go. You should not be unequally yoked. You can bring him to the water time and time again. Unless, of course, he refuses to go. Unequal. Yoked.

You may have let go of faith many times over the past years. Salvation makes you happy, but do you still fear that the object of your faith has or will let go of you?

I read here… "I’m not trying to trivialize love. On the contrary, I think it’s so big and enormous that I just can’t wrap my mind around it."

3. Lack of focus. Feelings of insignificance. Lost. Vacant. Adulterer. All of these are included on your vision of yourself. Have you ever in your life given and/or received the love you desire?

I read here… "But this past weekend, the list was all checked off with the exception of the weeds. It was time. I do not mind pulling weeds. No one else ever bothers to do it, no one else ever wants to do it. I know once I get out there on my hands and knees that I will be left alone for as long as I wish, hours even. Actually, come to think of it, I love pulling weeds. … I started thinking about how there are weeds in my life that I would like to pull. Weeds that suffocate. Weeds that ignore. Weeds that do not care. More weeds than flowers it seems like. But have you ever noticed when pulling weeds that if you grab an entire handful and give a good tug, they all snap off about a half an inch from the surface. Then you’re screwed and you have to pinch them out of the dirt. But if you carefully but firmly grab them one at a time and pull slowly, they come up (usually) root and all. …Because you know, otherwise, they’ll just grow right back. He always comes back."

4. I loved this post. It inspired me. Still does. No garden reaches its full potential unless it is tended. Unless someone tills the soil, plants the seeds, pulls the weeds, prunes and harvests. Often, we discover that we are residing within a staked-out plot. There are signs of long ago garden activity. Seems that you can still identify the vague outline of rows. The hollow stalks of dried vegetables, flowers. Weeding is needed, but… so is tilling. The ground has sat too long, untended.

As you weed your garden, have you considered tilling the soil? What will you plant?

5. I love your writing. I feel a kinship with you that stems from so many similarities that it staggers me at times. I am eager to see you in full bloom, smiling, fearless.

You want a tattoo. I am getting one in two weeks. If we traveled together with the goal of getting matching or complimenting tattoos, what would we get, you and I?

Thanks for being brave. Thanks for this dose of fearlessness.
Now, the Rules for the Interview Game:

If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying, “interview me.”
I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s will be different.
You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others.
When others ask to be interviewed, you will ask them 5 questions.

~ Lime is next! ~~ is next! ~

Cowgirl is the next one in the hot seat. From reading her posts, I deduce that she enjoys the hot seat. Sometimes. George and Sam and the hot neighbor may put her in the hot seat at times, so to speak, but now it’s my turn. CowGirl is not different than the other interviewees in the way that she provides me with options. Her stories are filled with juicy material, ripe for the analyst’s blade. She is a mother, a wife, a lover, an employee, a fixer of computers, a drinker. She is pretty and sexy and funny, and she has a way with words. She is also a free spirit, stuck. So, CowGirl, answer me this:

You say: I am not happy with a lot of things in my life, including myself.

1. What is the one thing you have control over that you can change in order to bring more happiness into your life? If you have control over it, then what are you waiting for?

You say: I need to be happy. I’m disappearing. I have no idea where the real CowGirl has gone. I’m sick of being myself everywhere but at home.

2. It is terrible to feel that you cannot be yourself. The other side to that, all too often, is that when we find ourselves in that position, we should realize that we probably never were ourselves in the first place. For instance, we may have pretended to be a little different than we really were in order to win that certain person. That is a bad idea that should never be followed. Another thing that happens is that we discover that we have changed and that we cannot be our "new" selves. Too bad the other person didn’t come along for the ride, because odds are that they have changed to. Diagnosis: what we have here is a failure to communicate. What is the difference between "the real CowGirl" and the one that lives in your home?

You say: I think he’s clueing in that we have problems …. [and] I’m testing him too…

3. You say these things in regards to your feeling that your husband is finally pulling away in a sense. You also speak of "testing him" by telling him that you love him when you don’t - just to see what his response is. We all are apt to do things a certain way depending on our perceived outcome analysis. A person who is not filled with fear of the hearer’s response may be more willing to speak openly, honestly. A person who is fearful of what their honesty may create, well… that person feels as though lying equals survival. Neither of these may apply in your case. I don’t know. If neither do, then it’s an interesting game to play, especially considering that George seems to provide a certain level of happiness. So, CowGirl, what are you most scared of?

You say that you were very good in math studies, that you wish you had pursued accounting, and that you desire to return to school one day.

4. If you could return to school full-time today, with no financial pressures for four semesters, what degree would you pursue? What is your dream job? (no stay-at-home-mom, wife of a rich man, or lottery winner, please)

You and I share many similarities, from certain experiences to our upbringing to our restlessness and dissatisfaction in relationships… lots. I have enjoyed "getting to know you." You make me laugh. I also am touched by some of the things you are going through. I know you have your hands full, but I wonder…

5. I am visiting your hometown. I will be there from noon on Friday until noon on Sunday. You have all of that time free - no hubby, no kids, no work. You agree to pick me up at the airport. We are not allowed to get drunk, nor are we allowed to have a physical relationship on this get-together. However, you are my hostess for the weekend and must spend this time with me. What would we do?

Ok, CowGirl! Hope that wasn’t too bad. Now, here are the rules:

If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying, “interview me.”
~You did~
I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s will be different.
~I did~
You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
~Your turn~
You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others.
~Your turn~
When others ask to be interviewed, you will ask them 5 questions.
~Cool?~ ~ Thanks for the opportunity to interview you! ~

keda gets interviewed! This is good because I am a new visitor to her site and because most of you are unfamiliar with her, as well. At least, few of you (including myself) are commenting, showing her the love. This interview is welcomed for other reasons, too: she expresses herself well; she is intelligent, interesting, and beautiful; she has incredibly pretty twin girls; she has stories to tell. Thanks for your willingness, keda.

YOU SAY: i’m going to go to work re-educating myself. recently i got back into campaigning and letter writing and shouting at the telly and reading the news and donating to charity… i’m on the net more. but all this appears to be rather "un feminine" net-wise so as a counter measure (and as i still can’t bring myself to do recipies) i’ll also try to dig out some of my hideously embarrasing old "poems". i will of course find it easy to talk about child rearing…so thats my manifesto. to myself. to bridge the gap. and to try to get this knackered old ticker working again.

1. I have enjoyed my numerous visits this week to your site. In fact, I want to visit you in Istanbul, as crazy as that may sound. Many interesting things and questions occur to me as I contemplate “you” as I know you. I understand that the past 12 years or so have been busy and full of changes for you. I know that you have stunningly adorable and precocious twin girls. I know that you are eco-conscious, pragmatic, and humorous – at times fondly self-deprecatingly. I know you are an holistic massage therapist. What I want to know: What is your dream job, (no stay-at-home mum, no win-the-lottery answer!) and what is your plan to get it?

YOU SAY: so who should we believe, all of us who are left? what kind of god do we want to teach our children about? what kind of world would we like to live in? …having children myself who are half english and half turkish i want to teach them honestly about all beliefs (religious and political- but we all know i’ll never get time or the knowledge for that! i will however do my best) and let them make their own way to a faith or not. because in the long run, if they choose to have faith in a God/Allah/Yhvh of any name i would hope that was based on real belief and a desire to really do good, and not just fear of the bogey man or their neighbours.
…despite all this idiocy that is happening around us every day, i for one would still be rooting for benevolence. for a god of charity and love. for there being one god who we can all have our differing feelings about and relationships with, who cares for all the worlds children irrespective of race, position wealth, mental prowess and who would advocate his followers to have compassion and tolerence towards all his creatures. the strange thing to me is that anyone feels any different. but thats partly why i put in the clause about mental prowess. i really must be complete idiot to think many other people would agree no?as usual i do actually think the majority of the world have idealistic dreams hidden deep inside them somewhere but a mixture of selfishness and lack of patience seems to lead to intolerence. mix in a bit of ignorance and we have people threatening death and damnation all over the place.
i can do this…..i can voice my opinions and thoughts and invite debate, and i can raise my children to do the same. i can do my best to raise them to be compassionate, loving, confident, eager to learn and open minded. and most importantly i can raise them to know without a shadow of a doubt that they are loved. be it by a God/Allah/Yhvh or the Universal Energy…or me, or you.

2. I love the openness of your blog, the sincerity with which you express your opinions, the pragmatism in your expression. In the section above, you express a desire to teach your children about all beliefs so that they can be well-armed to make their own decisions as they mature. Desiring for them to base their beliefs on true belief and not on fear of any societal retribution or bogey-man attack is beautifully and simply stated. You root for benevolence, however, “for a god of charity and love…who cares for all the world’s children irrespective [of any of their differences]… Considering that children hang the coats of their beliefs initially on the rack of their parents, do you believe that you can or should teach your children that such a god exists, a god that is benevolent and loving and caring?

YOU SAY: there are no easy answers. but films and books and conversations which challenge our own beliefs and make us question our motives are crucial to all of us if we are to find the truth and to trust ourselves and our personal visions. learning is a lifelong process and whenever i feel i am being challenged and informed i feel good…watching movies and reading books can be beautiful escapism, but they can also make you think. and thinking is goooood………just so long as we are never foolish enough to think we know it all!

3. Another thing I really enjoy about your site is your desire to bring some artistic relevance to others. You talk of the cinema and of the wonderful films which have meaning to you. Your exposing these to me challenges me. What is the one challenge you need to face but fear the most?

YOU SAY: if we love and respect life then we have a duty to respect the living and their wishes and their health. every action has a consequence, and if we do not think about the consequences of our actions we are to blame, whatever our views. but we can only ever really know the consequences of our own individual actions. we should not dare to force our sensibilities on another when we can have no idea of their individual circumstances.
if we cant act to help the living, the impoverished, the abused, the frightened the sad. if we cant accept peoples rights to control their own bodies and futures so long as that doesn’t involve hurting any other living person then we should be working on ourselves. and finding a way that we can help.

4. You express yourself well. I thought much about this post (above). I pondered many questions to ask. I decided upon this simple question: What is the one aspect of your emotional or mental self that needs work? (to the extent you are willing to share)

YOU SAY: i have wiped out most of my younger school years from my memory banks, not on purpose but somehow i remember virtually no one. i can recall a few names, but would be extremely hard put to put a face to any of them. i didn’t like those years much. i loved learning. i loved reading, and discussing, but i wasn’t really a swot either so i couldn’t just hide behind the books. i also loved clothes and music, but we had no money, a pretty fucked up family life and we lived in a rural village, going to the rough comprehensive school in the nearest town on the bus. hicksville uk. in many ways it was a beautiful place to grow up…[but] I never fit in… so i blanked out much of those years as i grew up, moved away and reinvented myself, or at least found out i wasn’t a complete freak, and went on with that in a new environment.

5. I do not believe you are a complete freak, just a partial freak, like most of us! Wait. Unless we factor in the four-day hold on bowel activity. Wow! Now, that was funny – although I am sure you didn’t think so at times. We share much in common, despite the geographic differences. If I desired to be your best friend and wanted to “fit in” with your environment, your life, your children, your re-invented self, what should I do?

If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying, “interview me.”

~You did~

I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s will be different.

~I did~

You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.

~Your turn~

You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others.

~Your turn~

When others ask to be interviewed, you will ask them 5 questions.

~Cool?~

Thanks for letting me interview you!

First of all, interviews for keda and CowGirl should be up in just a bit. I have enjoyed composing the questions for each interview. The interviews for SS and Christina are below, and you should check their sites for their responses.

While I know I have options in developing my questions, I decided to use this "Interview Game" as a bridge. As almost all of us in this corner of the blogosphere know, the 24-36 hour span from late-late Wednesday to early Friday is awash with traffic to and from the particpants in HNT. I always have strived to be sincere in my HNT comments and to say something at least a tad bit substantive. I am amazed at how many decent blogs are out here, and I am grateful to HNT for exposing, so to speak, them to me. I am not sure if everything that I am about to say is 100% true, but here goes. I went to Rayna’s site because of HNT. I saw a post about an interview. I mentioned my willingness to be interviewed. She asked. I answered and posted the interview. People visited my site, many initially because of HNT. (Some of you have continued to come back, and that is unbelievable to me. I very much appreciate that.) Some brave bloggers expressed to me their willingness to be interviewed. The wheel turns. Bridge construction begins.

Back to where I started… Taking my cue from Rayna, I want the interviews to reveal a sense of the subject. This requires some serious archive-diving. I feel as if I have been reading Sweetheart’s and Christina’s blogs since they published their first posts. I do not profess to be an excellent interviewer, but I do want to have knowledge of my subject. I think (hope?) I am succeeding. I look forward to completing the interviews over the next day or two. I am (a geek) excited to know that I will be learning more about some of you.

Now more on the bridge…. HNT has been incredibly fun, and I plan to continue to publish, at least weekly, a post in the HNT spirit. I also will continue to visit all of you HNTers and comment on your latest. I, however, cannot promise that my HNT-Spirit post will always arrive on Thursday. My comments will, but my post may be early or late. I hope you will still visit, though. I am excited that, at least for a few, there is now a bridge to things more substantive than T & A. Of course, if you know me, you know that T & A is often substance enough.