This week has found me working late every night. Tonight brings no changes. During these late nights, I occasionally take a break, walk around the square, maybe venture further into the old neighborhoods a block or two away. This is what you’d see if you happened to pass by, although what the hell are you doing out so late on a Wednesday?
I have been holed up in the office for two days, catching up on some filing and correspondence before several upcoming court dates. Occasionally I go to the front office, and this morning the view out my front door was… well, the same as it usually is. No, my car is not visible. I park in back.
I adore the small town in which I live and work. It played a prominent role in the establishment of Texas and in U.S. politics from 1790 on. Population is less than 4,000, and area is about 4 square miles. The entire town has been named to the National Register of Historic Places. My office is in a building that is over 150 years old. The building in the photograph above was built in 1828.
Just some thoughts as I sit here and contemplate going to the store for something sweet to eat.
There was a time when I didn’t shave my head. There was a time when I dated a girl who had a black dog. There was a time I hiked every weekend…. I don’t miss those times, but I do remember…. Thought I’d share.
I promise that I have not forgotten Wendy’s interview. It will be up very soon. The past week has been hectic, but not wholly unenjoyable. Busy. For me, that is not a bad thing, no matter how greatly it interferes with introspection, viewing half-nekkid bloggers, introspection, my viewing of The Unit, and other really deep things that thrill me so much.
I have been preparing for a move, one that excites me but not nearly as much as it scares me. I do not scare easily. I have been challenged to step out, leave the comfort and security of the retirement plan and the salary, and pursue "the purpose." The challenge involves making virtually no plans in advance, just putting in my notice, working five weeks, and then and only then worrying about "what next." The challenge stems from the challenger’s deep understanding of who I have always been: a passive-aggressive control freak when it comes to my own life. I take challenges, but not to this degree. Two posts ago, I referenced this. As the days unfold, I will chronicle the journey. Granted, such chronicling may be done from some public library, as I may be living on the street…. I have a good, sturdy pair of jeans, though, and I do have a shirt… somewhere.
Too often I live in objectivity, streaming in and out and all around the real me. At times I care too much what others think. At times I care too much about whether or not I am liked. At times I say "yes" despite a strong desire to say otherwise, and I say it because I do not want to let you down. I have reveled in being an "annual." I yearn to be perennial. I have been planted. I have been uprooted - too easily many times, simply because I hesitate, maybe I fear a complex, deep root system. Now, though, I am ready. I am only who I am. I am not who I think you need me to be. The roots of who I am are strong and will no longer be allowed to wither in the sun of other expectations. I have always been willing to go out on a limb, but I have always triple-checked the net below. There is a limb before me, and there is no net. I am meditating, clearing my head, before I step out.
Through it all, I take time to play in the dirt, to explore new plants and flowers and and vegetables. I investigate the bugs and worms and butterflies and chameleons and lizards. I eat the vegetables. I make arrangements from some of the flowers. Often, I step into the backyard, pick up a shovel or rake, grab the wheelbarrow, and I garden - literally. More often, though, I am tilling the ground of the soul, strolling through fallow and growing and harvesting seasons, reveling in the new growth of spirit, contemplating, laughing, crying. For me, the two types of gardening are co-dependent - as symbiotic as my backyard ecosystem. I garden, therefore I am - if you will. Of course, I do enjoy the beergarden at the end of a day in the dirt.
~As you may can tell, I am in a place now that needs some extensive gardening.~
On the job front, little changes here, and I am ready for a change. I am so ready for a change that I even am contemplating searching outside this area. Maybe Atlanta, Charlotte, Jacksonville, Nashville…. Are you hiring?
My writing projects have sat waiting for me for so long that I was wondering if I would ever feel compelled to revisit them. Well, I have been struck with new life the past few days as far as the writing goes. Time to set some new targets….
The boys are busy with baseball, climbing trees, building "hideouts" in the woods, and playing with bugs. If I could only make enough to support us, those are the things I’d be doing, too….
Life is still beautiful and, I am still being ,shuttled around by kind folks. Tomorrow, though, that should change. Only the shuttling me around part, I hope, as I should get my car back tomorrow. For those of you who have been around here awhile, you know it has been a long, long time since I had my own wheels.
I am not working much next week and am thinking of a trip to Florida.
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