Stripped

Last night, I ventured to Atlanta for an evening of food and drink (as in, one drink, enjoyed for the sole purpose of trying a friend’s suggestion) with friends from high school.  High school.  My fingers and toes are not plentiful enough to account for the years that have passed since the days I navigated my way through, and mostly around, the high school drama stage.  I was fortunate to create some beautiful relationships back then, though, and I appreciated the opportunity to reconnect and bring those relationships forward.

We met in Buckhead, the popular, uptown district which offers an incredibly eclectic array of dining and entertainment options.  Misti and Greg were high school sweethearts who married soon after graduation.  Dave is a recently divorced executive chef who, during high school, hung out with the members of the local music community.  Being a member of a rock-n-roll band, I moved through a lot of the same circles Dave did.  All four of us were friends two decades ago, and we have moved in and out of each other’s lives sporadically over the intervening years.  Our mutual desires to reconnect contrived to bring about this Atlanta get-together.

I have revealed over the course of this blog that I maintain some insane work hours.  Since opening my own practice, I have rarely attempted to have a normal "social life."  I do not mind this, which baffles many of my friends and family.  Despite being an outgoing and fairly social person, I greatly enjoy time alone and identify with the loner persona.  All of this results in a very careful and highly selective process for choosing who I spend time with.  I do enjoy sharing the company of good friends, and I do enjoy going out and being entertained by the antics of others.  Heck, I enjoy entertaining others with my antics!  Hence, I was sitting in a Thai restaurant enjoying the delightful (and wonderfully spicy) Kang Keaw Wan, a green curry dish with bamboo shoots, mixed vegetables and a coconut milk base.

Greg and Misti are divorced now but have a good relationship and are the parents of two teenaged daughters.  Greg shared a drink with us and visited briefly before continuing to another dinner date a few blocks away.  After that, Dave and I, of course, received the semi-dramatic update on the demise of Misti’s marriage to Greg.  Misti also shared interesting tales of her travels to Ireland and Hawaii.  Dave thrilled us with stories of his adventures in the Netherlands and the Carribean.  As I listened and we laughed and exclaimed, I realized that few of my family court or criminal court stories were very interesting.  However, I possessed a much more interesting story, if only I dared to share.

So I shared.  "She must be hot," stated Dave, matter-of-factly.  "She lives in Spain?!" Misti asked in disbelief.  "Yes, she’s hot." I affirmed, receiving a "whatever" look from Misti.  I replied to the look: "She is hot, and she’s smart as hell, funny, and creative.  So, you think that’s too far away?" I asked.  "I mean, how far away is too far away?" I continued.  From there, the conversation became a moderately philosophical and largely humorous debate on love, relationships, cyber-sex, cyber-love, cyber-hell, psychos, dating websites, and the seemingly changing role geographic distance plays in relationships.  We solved no important issues, and we derived no definitive answers to life’s important questions.  We did agree that the importance of proximity, in regards to relationships, is directly proportional to the goals of the people involved.  For instance, if one desires a "hook-up" only, then reaching out to someone who lives 4 or 5 or even 12 hours drive away is not that big of a deal, provided they decide to meet for a night or weekend of "fun."  In most cases, though, the "hook-up" goal is thwarted by such difference.  Geographic proximity may not be as important in cases involving people who desire a deeper, more meaningful cerebral and emotional connection and who may have hopes of a long-lasting relationship.  This is especially true if they eventually meet occasionally and one or both are willing, if it gets to that point, to relocate.  Dave told me I should go to Spain.  Misti told me I should be careful.  Misti knows me well enough to know when I have let my heart get involved.

After dinner, we exited the restaurant and met Rick, another friend from high school.  Although dozens of high school friends and acquaintances live in Atlanta, this was no coincidence.  Rick knew we were meeting but did not think he could make it.  When his evening plans concluded, he rushed from Little Five Points to Buckhead in hopes of at least a quick greet.  Of course, we could not let it be that quick and cold, so we entered another establishment, where I enjoyed white chocolate cheesecake with an oreo crust.  Rick is a world traveler and spends his work days in third world countries providing accounting direction to the establishment of schools and hospitals.  His stories are more interesting than most of mine, too.

When we left, I walked to my car with Misti and Dave, and we discussed getting together again in April.  "April may find me in Spain."  I replied.  They laughed, understanding that distance is only one of the obstacles involved.  Every relationship provides challenges, opportunities to grow and share, teach and learn.  I drove the 2 hours home in unexpected silence, glad that I crawled out of my cave and nurtured some old relationships, looking ever forward to the other one standing on the threshold.

A distant spirit cries, beckons,
and dances across time
like dreams
of truth
She is there
waiting for the train I ride,
standing
in our youth

Ages of the songs unsung
scatter continents and souls
like before
and to come
Her voice unsheathed,
she is the wind, the breath,
she is From

To that day I ride, am forever born
and made to stand
like judgment
covenant bound
She is laughter,
standing while the spirits dance
crying, strong
and found

From the end of time and back
and before
we move and love
and are
We are one
consumed within and without
the forever burning
star

She unfurls clouds from distant skies
and sends me reeling
across the thin wire
and I yearn
She can fight
and she can love out loud
she spits fire
and I want to burn

Into the lands of timelessness
Purpose, march and be
our love
our journal
She is out there
and I am moving, wise
understanding truth
We are eternal.

In this modern age, so many have cultivated relationships out of thin air, literally.  Blogs and comments, emails, and dating websites have given extended life to the childhood imaginary friend.  Sometimes, the extent and depth of the communications create a sense of true knowledge of one another.  Sometimes, additional information verifies or at least confirms such knowledge.  These new-era relationships remind me of penpals.  When I was twelve, I had a penpal in Costa Rica.  I never met him, but we corresponded for two years.  I did not contemplate love at such an age, but I remember crying when his mother died.  I remember sending him books and toys, using money I typically spent on things for myself.  I remember longing for his letters and thinking of things I could do for him.  In the spirit of "loving one another," I believe I did.  Flash forward.

In law, in order to succeed on a cause of action, one must prove each element of that cause of action.  For instance, to succeed in a negligence action, one must prove (1) that the defendant owed a duty to the plaintiff, (2) that the defendant breached such duty, and (3) that the plaintiff suffered injury or damages thereby.  In life, I find myself pondering if love can exist "virtually."  The emotion is familiar but perhaps recast in a light and reality that is new.  In attempting to understand this emotion, I wonder, what are the elements of love?

If I love someone, perhaps I (1) desire to communicate with them honestly and regularly, (2) feel the same way towards them even when they are having a bad day, are angry, are being argumentative, or are not easy to deal with, (3) desire to listen to them without the need to control the conversation, (4) desire for them happiness, even if it has nothing to do with me, (5) am uplifted, encouraged and supported by their presence in my life, (6) desire only to uplift, encourage and support them, (7) miss them when they are out of touch, (8) respect their ideas, thoughts, and plans without feeling the need to change them, (9) will lend my time, my help or more even when it’s inconvenient for me, and (10) desire to have them as a consistent presence in my life always.  I certainly may have failed to list other elements of love, but I believe these things are the foundation of a love relationship.  Notice that "sharing the same interests" is not an element.  I share similar interests with many I do not love, and some I love have little in common with me.  Likewise, physical attraction is not a required element of love.  I love many to whom I am not physically attracted, of course.  These additional characteristics can serve as supporting evidence, though, and can serve to further define the emotion.  For instance, if the 10 elements listed are present and if I also share similar interests with the person and am physically attracted to the person, then perhaps the relationship has a healthy chance of becoming romantic.

Of course, in the world of laws, successful proof of each element of the cause of action is only one facet of the case.  The defendant may have certain defenses that can serve to eliminate liability or limit it.  Based upon my consideration of the evidence, love can exist in this long distance, words-only format.  Does it matter that the geographic distance between the two makes a walk-in-the-park-date a thousand dollar event? Does it matter that the two have never met?  Are these successful defenses to love?

In closing argument, I present that one’s willingness to experience an emotion, with all the risks and benefits that come with it, is a personal choice.  Matters of the heart are not easily analyzed in a vacuum and are not always explained to the satisfaction of those not a party to the action.  The specific defenses of distance and lack of face-to-face time do not eliminate the possibility of love, although they clearly diminish other possibilities.  Absent abuse, neglect, and other clear violations of the relationship covenant, who has a right to question another’s feelings?  Love is patient.  Love is kind.  Love does not envy or boast.  Love is not prideful. Love is honest.  Love is selfless.  Love is.