Stripped

I can hear some of you now. "Well, I declare! He finally posted the Wendy interview." I can assume things like that because Wendy now resides in the Carolinas, and I finally am posting my feeble attempt to climb inside her lovely, beautiful head.

Wendy possesses much more than beauty, though. For her, music is the second hand on every clock. Her family always retains its number one spot on her priority list, but she sometimes yearns to be the starving artist, the burned-out-never-faded-away bohemian spirit who passes through and changes the world and explodes or drowns in the gutter. Either way. I never knew my mother had twins.

Wendy writes superbly and shares bits and pieces of her life that leave me wanting to share a bottle or three of wine as we regale one another with our record collections, memories, and idosyncratic opinions and convictions. With that, I ask…

This post is a mirror for me. I read it and felt as if I had written it. I knew what was coming next. "I could so easily have gone the other way. I could easily be a strung-out artist living hand-to-mouth in an anonymous city, moving from great-big-thing to great-big-thing, with lovers and jewels collected along the way, none of them precious but all of them mine; responsible for no one and answering only to my self and my ever-present conscience. But there was something preventing that from happening. I am still not sure what…family? guilt? a feeling of owing more to myself? something propelled me past that exit on the highway. But I feel the pull sharply …it reminds me how perilous the trip always is, how the journey could be altered at the slightest notice and how I could find myself, lost without a map, but not altogether surprised at the detour."

In fact, many of your posts reflect your dichotomy. Here you write, "I have an artistic temperament in a suburban housewife’s life." My dichotomy is similar to yours, similar enough, in fact, to make me want to say "exactly." Logic dictates my word choice, however. Nevertheless, I feel as though I understand this part of you well. However, understanding the feelings is not the same as "figuring out the answers." So….

I have written about and pondered ad nauseum the concept of one’s "purpose." I find that the "pull" I feel, seemingly similar to you, causes me to dig deeper for things unfulfilled - things that should be fulfilled. I chase my tail, so to speak. Unlike you, I stand on a precipice, each passing day bringing more courage, contemplating stepping out into that scary void. My family, most of them anyway, are encouraging and even, to a surprising degree, about ready to push me.

1. To what degree is your family (particularly your spouse) aware of this dichotomy? Have you considered if there is a way (or a better way, perhaps) to blend the separate visions so that you can pursue the artistic wanderlust to some degree and still maintain your familial position?

Your taste in music thrills me. While I do not presume to know the breadth of your tastes, I do know that the songs and artists you mention on your site are among my favorites. Those who are familiar with my site must know that Dylan is at the top of the list. In this post, you write about when you "began to understand that there were two kinds of people in [your] life: people who were stunningly moved by music and people who weren’t." I mention that simply because it is a topic of many conversations I have had with various people over the years. I still am amazed that music means so little to some, while for me, it is a sixth sense. A song can take me to a particular place or time more readily than a specific scent can.

In that same post, you quote from Good Will Hunting: "My wife’s been dead two years, Will. And when I think about her, those are the things I think about most. Little idiosyncrasies that only I knew about. Those made her my wife. And she had the goods on me too. Little things I do out of habit. People call these things imperfections Will. It’s just who we are. And we get to choose who we’re going to let into out weird little worlds."

2. What is the biggest obstacle you must overcome in order to let someone in? What is your biggest fear in doing so? Have you ever let someone "all the way" in? What sacrifice did that take? Would you do it again? Do you wish that you had done it sooner?

Here and here you write about finding that "person who will show us the patience and love to let us figure out; that we are safe, that we are loved and that we can move forward," and you say "I had to grow up and fill in the gaps and be real and whole BY MYSELF and then, and maybe only then, would someone come along and complement my angles and edges. There are a lot of things about getting older that suck, but hindsight and wisdom aren’t among them." Such wise posts. We disservice our children when we fail to assist them in these lessons. Yes, these lessons will be learned the hard way most of the time. Still, we lay the foundation, lest we forget.

True love, in my opinion, is a relationship that not only allows the other person to grow and become wholly and purely who they are meant to be, but it encourages, supports and assists that journey. Marriage is that times two.

3. What advice would you give to your children on how to determine if they have found "the one"? What was your greatest obstacle in your journey of love? What is the single greatest thing you need in a relationship? What is the single greatest thing you can give in a relationship?

Finally, in this post, I read more about the dichotomy - the "artistic temperament in the suburban housewife’s life." Consider that I am "talented, insane, too-bright-to-last" (I still dream), and that I have chosen to pursue those crazy-mad desires that hound me while I sleep and flog me while I am awake. I need something but am not sure what. I search, and find contentment in the search. Perhaps I am too scared that the search will end, of what is finally revealed. It is a dangerous road, as you know. I reach out to you.

4. What do you offer me?

Thanks Wendy. I truly enjoy your blog.

Madison Drake is next.

If you want to be interviewed, let me know.