Learn’s words resonated with me immediately. We’ve never met, barely spoken. Yet, she seemed to know me. When I first started reading her words, I read with wonder at the captured life of another. I gravitated toward the analysis, the story of one who was enraptured by the physical needs and desires, captured, if you will. I have been there. It is a most welcome enslavement. In fact, it feels not at all like ensalvement… until the emotional wants, needs, desires reveal what is lacking. I have questions I will not ask, for they are personal and would be for personal reasons. Ah, but there are questions I will ask, and that is why we are here.

Learn writes about sex. Her posts are overflowing with wonderful meetings, escapades, sensual delights, and dirty fucking. You read of one who enjoys all she knows and yearns to know more about the possibilities that exist when two come together. Such an awakening seems to have begun in earnest when she met T. You can read here a little of the story of meeting and getting to know T. Granted, many other posts detail their coming together, but this post is where you learn of their digital relationship. For two years, they were primarily email partners, maybe email lovers.

1. Learn, if you had to pick only one thing that pulled you toward T before you ever really knew him, what would it be?

One of the things you mentioned was that you wanted someone who would always bring a smile to your face. Of course, you also mention that you still are not quite sure what you want. I have a feeling that your experience with T has revealed much to you about what it is you want and need in a relationship and, just as important, what it is you can give. Oh, so many questions here….

2. Can you be deeply happy within yourself, with only yourself?

3. Where are you now in regards to knowing what you want? what you need? Can the two become the same?

I read here about your medical trials and worries. The initial diagnosis was ASCUS. A very common result of a pap smear, ASCUS presents, in almost 90% of cases, as a benign condition.

4. To the extent you care to share, how are you now?

Here and here you mention medication. In one instance, you mention Ritalin and in another, general antidepressants. For me, "focus" was my self-diagnosed problem. I considered medication, thinking that perhaps I would be able to find greater satisfaction in where I was. Basically, I like to be busy. I like meeting new people. I like the excitement of change. I thought medication may "settle me down." In fact, we seem to be similar in that regard, or at least in our thinking. So far, though, I have not tried it.

5. Did you ever give medications a serious try? If so, did they help?

In this post, you mention that T said that in order to survive you must sometimes lie to your heart. I have found that my heart is what causes the most trouble. When my head knows what is right, what is effective, what the real deal is… my heart tries to get in the way. In fact, I find that we often need to "lie to our heart," but it is not really a lie. I believe we have to keep from falling for the lies our hearts can tell. The heart is blind to truth many times.

6. What is your head saying these days? What is your heart saying? What controls you most of the time?

You walked through tough days and nights missing T. He had become a habit. I had one of those… not sure I should even speak that in the past tense. In many ways, a relationship like that is no different than a drug, and it is a hard habit to break. Even when you can see the negative effects it has on other important aspects of your life, you continue using. It’s crazy. It is made no easier when the other person expresses certain desires… says he misses you, wants you. T did this and maybe still does. You seem to be finding strength, though. Here you say, "I don’t want you to be left lonely one day, and the sad part is I don’t mean that I want you to be with me."

7. Is there something else, or someone else, in your life that has supplanted T - some goal or dream or whatever that makes it easier, or at least necessary to walk away?

I read about X, your first love. I read about how unequal to T you felt. When I read your words, see your photos, get a glimpse into how your mind works… I feel kinship. Plain and simple.

8. Where is X these days? Can you ever become your own first love? Do you desire or need an unequal relationship? Why did you allow me to interview you?

So, eleven questions….

Ok. Thanks, Learn, for agreeing to be interviewed. Let us know when you’ve answered!

Wendy is next.

If you are interested, let me know. The interviews will vary in length, but I will try to ask 5-8 questions. I will research your site and link accordingly. I may be nice, maybe not. I may pry. I may ask stupid questions. I may ask hard questions. I do not intend to offend, but I am not afraid of offending. If you want to be interviewed but desire for something(s) to be "off limits," let me know. I will try to post one interview each week. You should post your answers on your site. Visit here to see past interviews and the posted answers.

Have a great weekend everyone! Strip, it’s fun :)